Stop Creating Mental Image!

I'm gonna blog all day!

Maybe not all day...just all morning since  I still have my Thessa to be fucked out.

Lately I've got a writer's block. Or let say it is just my poor excuse for my laziness. DAMN laziness. I always say to myself and other people that I only have one weakness. But that one laziness has given me terrible impact my other weaknesses. Yeah laziness. Am I the slave of devil SLOTH now?

Naudzubillah...

Actually I have many things to write. My Thessa of course, my novel, April Rain, my collaboration works Midnight Hour and 7 Pieces. One short story for FLP Malang project (again I collaborate with my lovely friend who texted me once for every two days, asking how far I've got the process and saying sorry because she couldn't help much due to her piles of works in her boarding house while the fact was I DONE NOTHING but slacking in front of my magic box all day long.

What am I doing in front of CPU all day long? Mostly mental fucking. Throw a blank stare on my FB and deviantart (I almost get addicted of 9gag also. Thanks God now I don't dare to open it anymore regardless of ton links my friends post to their walls (or my wall... see? FB is becoming my biggest problem now.)

Every night before I sleep, I always regret of how stupid I am to spend my whole (supposed to be beautiful) day only sitting and slacking in front of my LCD. I always make mental image what will I do tomorrow which will be far better than just facebooking around. I also create mental image that I'll write my regret on blog so I will crack the wall of writer's block I've created myself. But what happen in the morning is just the same. While now I only have two months more to finish my Thessa. Crap.

My father always yells at me saying that I should develop my responsibility like what other kids do when they are grown up. It really pisses me off. In fact I was scrapping my ass typing thesis all days about one month ago. I think I'm just tired that I need refreshing to ease my stressed out before I could start it again (start writing my Thessa of course. Not start getting stress again LOL). But apparently "my holiday" goes to far.

Some of my friend said to me to deactivate my FB for awhile until I finish my Thessa. I couldn't just do that. I become admins in some writing group in FB. If I deactivate my FB I'll lose my authority to delete comments I don't like there (LOL).  At first the reason I join FB is only for sharing notes. So I could train my writing skill there. The fact now what I mostly done in FB is playing this game:

 

The game is simple. Cute graphic girls will absolutely love. And don't need much brain to solve. "What you need is "patient". Said my partner in my teaching practice program. She is from UMM and she was the one made me addicted to this stupidly lovely game. Now she stop playing regardless of how many time I press the button "Please come back to this game. I miss you" featured in this game. Now she's got her scholar already. CRAP. And even after she graduated, she never play this game anymore. Maybe she was freaked out after see how horrible the effect of this cute game to me. FYI I made about 5 alter egos only to play this game. I also use my parents user since I know their passwords and they don't know how to change their passwords. The hell I will never tell them how (LOL). So apparently I play those 7 users to play this game lately. I'm sick.

Actually I could over with my addiction for about two months maybe. But then after I saw my other friend (who also finished her study faster) play it again, it triggered me until now. How silly I am. 

Now I have to say to myself, STOP creating mental image of what I'm gonna do. Just DO IT ASS HOLE!

END NOTE

Actually I want to be more honest in this blog. But some of my ex-students in the school I've gone to have my teaching practice are following this blog. Somehow it gives me pressure and feel that I should keep my image clean and wonderful on their eyes (one of them text me that my blog was wonderful and I canceled to post this one earlier).

But I can't be an angel for more. So I regret to say that this is the real face of your "Miss A". 

Teacher is human, though...

Also my friends in organization knows this blog. What will they say if I reveal my slackness here? And I'm afraid that any negative post (though it is just a share of my heart) will affect my future. I heard some companies will go down into your social network (FB, twitter, anything) to see what kind of person you are. And the most horrible is the possibility that they will dump your CV just because your FB or maybe...BLOG.

I think I'm too much freaking out myself. This is the feeling of a college student who is working on her thesis and anything that get on her way...

Sigh. I guess I have to process my thesis again, continue my collaborations writings, get graduate this October and looking for a job directly so I could ease my stress. Not just run to a pseudo-entertainment like FB and My Shop.

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